This story's author wishes to remain anonymous!

Here is my story. It’s a little long but I hope you can learn from my mistakes and use the good stuff to help you achieve your dreams. In summary, I failed 2 exams: CS and CK and matched in the second attempt. Here the details. 

I am an IMG with GC came to the us 6 years ago to start studying step 1 and creating my CV volunteering in research. My first mistake was my negative mindset: I used to tell to myself that "people that come to the US are intelligent and successful people that have always scored high during medical school and I was an average student during medical school". I didn't want to enroll in Kaplan because it was "too expensive" and I arrived to the US, rented a room and looking all over the city where to study. I studied every day in a public library but it was always full of homeless people talking and lots of distractions. Being alone everyday started to affect my mood and my motivation. I am a very social person and this affected me. So, please find a good place to study where you feel safe and you can study to your maximum potential. I regretted not enrolling in Kaplan since the beginning, you have a place to study, get to know people that are in the same path as me and that kept me motivated. I bought the step 1 block in an impulse at the beginning of my study journey (I thought I would only need 6 months to prepare) and then paid the extension but was not prepared scoring around 190 on NMBEs (mistake). So I decided not to take it and lost the money. While I was working in research, I was studying for step 1 waking up at 3 am to study then working from 8-5 getting home exhausted. I did this for 8 months to the point I noticed my scores on Uworld were still the same at 57%, and had 3 months left to do my exam before it got expired (after paying the 3-month extension), so I decided to quit my job and dedicated full time to study with the help of my parents lending me money. Someone gave an advice that says “it’s better to do one thing at a time right, than several things wrong” I took step 1 passed it with a score of 215. 

I had bought CS long time ago in my period of impulsiveness and had schedule the exam 2 weeks after step 1, so I crammed CS studying with my husband at home. I didn't practice with nobody else except with him, and I recognize that was an error. Also after step 1 I felt very tired and didn't have time to rest. I failed CS, specifically the Clinical skills portion and passed the other portions. I didn't know the protocol used in the US to treat the patient saying like “I am going to listen to your heart" etc. because of my lack of preparation. I had to study with more people and specially pay attention to that part. This devastated me and triggered my insecurity. I took it again after buying a course for 3 days and it helped me a lot. The teacher was very nice and gave me the confidence that I needed at that time. I took it again and passed. 

I started studying for CK and I was in a hurry to apply in that cycle. I felt that I was falling behind my friends when I compared myself to my colleagues back home. That was another mistake. Everyone has their own pace and time for everything. So, I continued to study alone in a library and starting feeling sad and lonely. I blamed the exam for my condition and I thought the solution was to do it as soon as possible and they everything will be solved! Uh! Another mistake. I discovered that if I am missing something like being more social, I have to reach out and make new friends, assist to events during my days off studying and have social interaction. So in my desperate situation, I took CK and failed. Who would have thought? I was miserable, very depressed, cried a lot. I thought my options of doing residency were zero. I followed Zeeshan on Facebook and I contacted him to give me the real advice if it was worth pursuing this path and even paying for a second CK. 

Money issues started to become tenser and all the investment I have made on exams, Uworld, books, rent etc. added up. My family, who was lending me money started saying that it was going to be for a short period and then it would be stopped. I was afraid to get back to work because in the past I hadn’t succeeded. We talked on phone with Zeeshan for a long time and he helped me to keep pushing and gave me motivation. Also, I looked into websites and forums looking if IMGs with 2 failures had matched. I decided to keep pushing because I hadn’t applied yet so how would I know? I enrolled into Kaplan and that was a big difference, I had a safe place to study, made friends, listened to people’s strategies of studying and felt very motivated. I took CK again scored: 225. I was ready to apply. I applied to 305 programs all over the US, including family medicine, internal medicine and psychiatry. This was a mistake, I need to apply only to one specialty the one I loved most and have everything written that says “she is interested in family medicine” in LORs, personal statement, CV. The more consistent you are with one field, the higher chances of matching. Your CV/ work history should be aligned to your dream, the more the better. If you’re doing a rotation that is not in your field, that’s a red flag for programs. I applied, had 4 interviews: 2 medicine, 1 family med and 1 psychiatry. Guess with interview was the most awkward?  Psych, I didn’t have anything in my CV, doctors and PD noticed right away I was not fully into that. I didn’t match. I applied in SOAP, contacted friends have matched and nobody answered. I was triple devastated. I got very depressed and my confidence was in the floor, and my dreams were in the floor too. I was devastated for several months until I asked for help. Yes, I went for counseling. Talking to a psychologist helped me a lot.  Taking care of my mental health was very important and letting everything out was relieving. I reached out to Zeeshan again and he told me to keep pushing. I also noticed how some people would stop talking to me or got distanced when I “failed in life”, my husband and true friends were there for me. During dark periods of life, you get to reflect and analyze a lot of things, you learn and grow. 

Living here in the US with my husband, I started to think options of ways to be stable financially and do something in the medical field. I thought about going to college and becoming a nurse or PA or psychologist? I considered a plan B if my second match would come true. I decided to apply with Step 3, but due to several family circumstances I was not able to take the exam before application time. If you can apply with Step 3, is a huge difference! The second application, I only applied to 26 programs in the city I live as I couldn’t move to all the US due to my husband’s job. In this application, I decided to go to meetings, events and reach out to people asking for help, sending emails to doctors from my country in other areas to see if they could help. I decided to move and not sit down to wait for an invite. I applied to family med and internal, and received 3 interview invites. 2 were pre-match. That wait for a phone call was challenging. My husband was always optimistic and told me to keep sending emails even if I didn’t want to. Meanwhile, I contacted PD’s via email, went to places and received rejections. I received a phone call from the PD in January and couldn’t believe it!! I cried like a baby. I thanked God, my husband, family, Zeeshan and all my friends that stood close to me during those dark periods.

What I learned is that you never know how close you are to your dreams! You just have to keep going, have perseverance and do things even if you don’t feel the impulse of doing it. Like Nemo: “keep swimming, keep swimming” even if you don’t feel like it. I am about to start residency in a month and I’m done with step 3! Graduated 7 years ago and matched!  Life is good now. Keep pushing through the hard times and it will pass! “After each storm the sun will smile”

Also, if you are going through the same situation I would recommend, have a notebook to write down daily how you feel and let everything out! Also, watch your food if you are studying, lots carbs and sugar can make you feel lazy and it won’t help you to feel motivated. Don’t abandon yourself, do exercise, eat healthy, sleep well, have social interaction, go to the doctor, dentist etc.!! Don’t deprive yourself of self-care and this will potentiate your productivity!! Hope this helps! If you have any question you can post it and I will reply to Zeeshan